You're right D—you do smoke too much dope
A few weeks back, Rob Nelson was waxing philosophic about some movie—I forget which; I really wasn’t paying attention and I smoke too much dope. I don’t know why I kept reading it, ‘cause I wasn’t planning on seeing the movie anyway, but them Mr. Nelson decided to draw a parallel between the film in question and Fast Times at Ridgemont High, mentioning the “banana blow-job scene” in the latter. [Editor’s note: The movie in question was Celebrity (Film Clips, 11/25).]
Man, what crack was he smokin’? There ain’t nobody goin’ down on no banana in Fast Times! Jennifer Jason Leigh was wrappin’ her delicious little lips around the sleek orange shaft of a carrot (under the strict, sensual tutelage of the late, grate Phoebe Cates). True, the shape and curve of he carrot is not as anatomically correct as the banana (and thus the banana would have been a better choice), but Mr. Nelson, in his esteemed position as arbiter of cinematic greatness/foolishness, should get his shit straight before he goes tossin’ it off so flippantly. Or not. Whatever.
-A letter to the editor from my beloved D in 1998. What the hell did I get myself into?
